Kitt's Poems *TW*

[MultipleMinds]

Trigger warning: content contains violent images, talk of suicide, talk of self harm, death, low self-esteem, anger, and possibly some other triggers.

Masks

If I told you everything
You’d be scared
I’m not in control of my own life
I hold such dark secrets
You’d think I’d take better of myself
But I’ve forgotten how
I’ve given up hope
And everyone knows
It’s rather depressing
You can’t see it
I hide behind my smiles
The upward curl
The face I put on
But the smile doesn’t reach my eyes
My eyes are carefully concentrated
They are stiff and panicked
The things I see
Would be of your nightmare
But four years I hold my own
I forced a mask
I get real comfortable with it on
So comfortable, it’s plastered to my face
I look down
As if shy
But I look down because it’s all I know now
I don’t see the beauty of the world
I see dirt
Brown
My time is wasted
Yet it’s comfortable here
My feet buried in the ground
If I stay this way forever
I’m sure to be buried alive
With my feet planted
I don’t move on
From corners of my eyes
I see others walking
For a brief moment
I glance up
For the first time in my life
I see a real smile
It’s so bright
Too bright
It slashes through my soul
I look away breathless
Such power I will never know
Because my feet are planted
I’m rooted in like a tree
So I merely watch
The mask always on
My name is called out
No answer
My voice is lost
I’m not in control
I stand there as passengers jeer
And last out
I’m hurt
I’m broken
But I say not a word
I am Miss-Fix-It
I pick up the pieces remaining
I’ve been robbed and it’s clear
When the puzzle is together
The holes will never be filled
The mask digs deeper in my skin
I’m brilliant
I know how to accessories
There is no way you’ll take me now
At least I have the ability to choose
Two voices at constant battle in my mind
Requesting to- No sorry
Demanding to stay here
They jump out the nest attack
It’s comforting
Moving is full of dangers
It’s unknown
I am not ready to move
The voices agree
No place like home
If one could call this a home

[MultipleMinds]

Beautiful

Beautiful
That’s what they call me
Beautiful
I’ve been beautifully robbed
What is beauty?
A person in love?
Beauty
A life full of glamour?
Beauty
I guess I’m her beat
My hair falls too flat
My eyes, an empty soul
My legs, too weak to walk
My mind, crowded hole
Hiding
Oh yes, I’m good at that
Hiding
Requires the mask
I do it everyday
Fake
Smiles and laughter
What can I say?
Dropping the mask to face everything head on
That’s sure to end in contrastively
Chaos, Chaos
That’s all I live in
Why?
Because I don’t know how to do it myself
It takes time
That’s what they say
It’s true
But sometimes I just can’t wait
So I do something rash
Another painful mistake
Tell me,
Is this my fate?
Fate
A destiny made just for me
Fate
I’m hiding again
There’s no worst feeling
Than hopelessness and helplessness
It hurts
But that’s my fault
I should’ve called out if I’m drowning in the pool
But receiving and admitting is to die
Or so I think
It’s easy to pick out the hurt in others
You find your face in their reflection
How beautiful
How amazing
How insightful
Other can be
Do I own anything?
Just one quality of happiness?
My mind immediately answers writing
I guess I’d have to agree
A single pen can make the difference of the world
A single sentence
A single phrase
A single word
Can make all the difference
Words are power
I am power
I am worth, aren’t I?
How much would I be worth?
How much would my life be worth?
$1,000?
$100?
$0.25?
Who would buy such a clumsy mess?
I, of course, hear my supporters crying
“We’ll take you”
It means everything to me
To have someone there for you
To know you’re safe
The favor is returned in the same way
I will be there for them as they are with me
I am caring
If I could see the right path
Oh, the things I could do
I’ve got voices in my head encouraging me
I’ve got friends in my life setting my example
I’ve got family in my life that will always love me
I am loved
Yet I’m still venerable
Small words can bring me to my knees
I might cry, but I’ll try hard not to
Crying is not allowed in my house
I’m supposed to be strong
I’m Miss-Fix-It
I hold back my emotions
Rather feel nothing than the dark abbsy of my soul
I build houses and planets in my mind
I’ve learned to keep a wall around my heart
I am creative
Creativity can come with a price
It’s possible to fail
You can fall down again
Rejected
You become trapped
Rattling your chains against it’s dirty walls
It wants to keep you down
Down where the sun’s bright tentacles never reach you
All that’s on your mind is escape
They say the first step of getting out is to admit there is a problem
You’re thinking “Uh-Duh
You’re darn right there’s a problem
What are you going to do about it?”
We’re going to fail
We’re going to be abused
We’re going to be stuck here forever
Until we drop out pride
And ask for help
That’s the hardest thing one faces
They’ll tell you the same things you’ve hear
Keep your head up and feet moving
Keep going
Keep moving
I am persistent
I will keep moving
Weither I like it or not
I struggle a lot
I fall a lot
And perhaps there’s nothing I can do
I’m seeking help
I’m on step one
Relapse and frustration
It leads to unwanted feelings
It leads to depression
Now comes the dance with Sue
I am still dancing with Sue myself
We sway
We twirl
We flare or arms and stamp our feet
But I never let him remove his hood
Don’t look him in the eyes
But I let him touch my arm
With his icy fingertips
I allow Sue to hold me
He whispers plans in my head
He’s so comforting
I start to wish I could live with him forever
No more lies
No more abuse
No more… anything
Beautiful that’s what they call me
Beautiful
I’ve been beautifully robbed
Of a life I’d like to live
I sigh in discontent
That’s life I won’t get back
I am so young
But he likes to play with teens
I’m supposed to be scared
I supposed I am
Who wouldn’t be?
I’m only human
I can only take so much
I’m overwhelmed
I’m stretched too thing
I think I’ll never learn
When I fall, pieces get scatters
I try to pick it up, but I miss some major parts
I will never be whole again
But hope has to be there somewhere
So I’ve come to realize
Don’t leave tasks to others
I am hope
I am belief
Beautiful
That’s what they call me
Beautiful
I am beautiful

[MultipleMinds]

My Life Is Like A Puzzle

My life is like a puzzle
3,000 little pieces
The more I piece together
The more difficult it becomes
One piece will click in
But second thought takes it out
People pull a prank
They steal away some pieces
They come simply to destroy
And leave me to start over
My life is like a puzzle
My life is like a chair
Beautiful and useful
It allows people to take a rest
Their problems casted on me
While they may live in peace
Their burden is still upon me
As they sit down
I make no noise of protest
I simply take it
Weight is overwhelming
I get broken
So I’m casted to the side
My life is like a chair
My life is like a ceiling
Sturdy and flat
I provide protection
I pull people out of the storms
I am used by many
Most take granted I am there
As my back faces the storm
My face remains dry
Eventually a hole will come
And douse the other side
I’m now helpless in the hands of others
My life is like a ceiling
My life is like a flute
Fiddling and Squeaking
It plays the lows
And squeaks the highs
But usually it play the middle
Debating which was to play
My fingers slip
A wrong note comes out
I try to fix it
But it’s too late
My life is like a flute
My life is like a cup
Under a dripping faucet
It’s fine at first
Holding the liquid in
It smiles
Secretly hating every minute
More liquid pours in
The cup begins to fill
Eventually it spills over
The cup’s smile disappears
My life is like a cup
My life is like a deck of cards
52 different faces
There’s two jokers making 54
Joker’s the one that plays
King, Queen, and Jack
Always stiff and serious
Two sided cards
One blank of emotion
Sometimes it’s an ace
Proud to be the highest
Sometimes it’s a two
The worthless number
Wind blows
Cards begin to scatter
Someone cares enough to pick up and pocket
My life is like a deck of cards
My life is like a pen
Sitting there it does nothing
But pick it up to the page
You wouldn’t believe what it could do
But it’s never useful on it’s own
It relies on others
Without a hand to hold it in
The pen will do nothing but stare
My life is like a pen
My life is like a table
Standing on three legs
As long as I don’t move
I am stable
But the slightest pressure
The slightest touch
Pushes me over the edge
I fall and can’t get back up
I am unstable
My life is like a table
My life is like a puzzle
3,000 little pieces
The more pieces found
The more answers I get
My life is like a puzzle

[MultipleMinds]

Sue

If it was so easy
To get back up and keep going
Don’t you think I’d already done it by now?
But no,
Nothing’s ever easy
Nothing’s ever free
There’s always a price
A catch
Life’s funny like that
My life is not that hard
Sue whispers compliments in my ears
He’ll place the truth on me
Unlike others
I rather the truth to lies
But everyone around me sugar-coats it
They think I’m gullible enough to believe
I know better
I know what I can and can’t do
I have a million questions
Few of them are ever answered
Maybe there’s no answers
Maybe I’m meant to feel like this forever
It’s not fair,
I hate it
What could be more depressing
Than to know there’s no hope?
I pity those who still believe
Then again, I envy the ones who still believe
They must live grand lives
Full of joy
And happiness
They must hold the secret to the world
They must have someone holding them down
I’ve got nothing anymore
And though I myself disapproves of Sue
I find comfort in his presence
Misery loves it’s company
As the saying goes
So far it’s been proven true
Misery and Sue follow me everywhere
They walk hand in hand
And smiles brightly to me
I frown
I’m not sure their club is so good
The offer is tempting
But my instinct says to stay
My supporters say no
My sixth sense rings off the bell
This is definitely a trap
But the offer is still tempting
I just wonder what they do
Obviously it must be bad
Or no one would fight this hard against it
But perhaps I feel a rebel girl
Perhaps I want to jump
But hands reach out
Refusing to let me go
It’s depressing really,
That nothing holds me down
Even God, I’ve shunned away
I draw ugly red lines on my arms
It will be there forever
It’s a coping skill
It’s the only thing that holds me back
I can’t fight this alone
Some days I just give up
They almost get a victory
Some days I am strong
They run with their tails between their legs
But they always come back
They never go away for long
They are old friends of mine
But they are dangerous
There’s not much room for compromise
It’s either join or pain
The pain of my existence
But some days they’re not there to hurt me
Some days we’re just like friends
Sitting on lawn chairs
Sipping Pepsi
We’ll talk about the weather
Or some strange life style
These days I am neutral
But some days Sue will start a fight
Knowing I’ll react
He’ll try to guilt trip me into his ways
He’ll say all the right words
Sometimes I almost accept his offer
But I stay back
Of him, I am afraid
I know I must get away from both of them
The quickest way possible
But I’m frozen
I’m transfixed on their beauty
If only I could turn away from them and run
I know deep down Sue’s no good
But I’ve already placed trust in him
I’ve allowed him so close to me
That we were almost kissing
He could’ve grabbed me then and there
But along came my saviors
They crack their whips
And war call until he’s gone
I look down guilty and embarrassed
I didn’t want to be caught this way
Now many look down at me
Disgusted looks
For forming a relationship with the Devil himself
No one sees him though my eyes
They cannot see his beauty
They think I’m sick
So more medicine I down
But I know the truth
Sue will never let me rest
He’s an old friend of mine
We grew up together
From 6th grade up
7 years of his presence
He’s introducing me to Misery’s gang
Misery sure did love it’s company
Depression became mine
Now everyone’s happy
Except me of course
I fell dead inside
They doused my fire
Stomped it out
So now I’m their
They control me like a puppet
Strings attracted everywhere
They put me through too many shows
They steal my voice and my power
I’m nothing but an empty shell now
Sue smiles at his work
“We could live so much better”
He whispers in my ear
I weep not sure what to do
I know I must live
But that’s not what I want
Sue promises it will be quick
I wonder why I still believe
Maybe life’s blown out of proportion
Maybe it’s all a big joke
I bet you God is laughing
After all he made this mess
Maybe I deserve it
After all I don’t believe
I watch Sue reach out his hand
I timidly start to reach for him
But a second thought occurs to me
I pull away
The hesitation makes it worst
He frowns at me
I sigh and shake my head
I move towards Misery and Depression
These I trust
I’ve lived with them
Since I was a baby
They abuse me over and over again
But still I follow
They are my security blanket
They let me know I’m alive
I trust my life to them
They are my comfort
They are my life
But Sue is their best friend
They try to pressure me to meet him
So here I stand between my rocks
And a hard place
I’ve been the only one to put me here
It’s entirely my fault
I should’ve picked a different group
But how was I to know?
Their voices are so comforting
I cannot budge Depression or Misery
They stand too tall
Sue watches my effort
He’s laughing at my attempt
There’s no use fighting
They will never leave my side
I want to go another path
Sue again offers his hand
But again I shake my head
It’s not my time
Not Yet
So a new face arrive
This one is frustration
This is Depression’s son
They all link hand in hand
All smiling at me
As I give them a scowl
They just had to make it harder, didn’t they
Everyone is watching me now
They’re waiting for my next move
I stand frozen
Sue comes and whispers in my ear
This time I shove him back
It’s not my time to go
Frustration clicks his tongue
Glaring as a warning
I look at each of the afraid
They hold so much power
What would it be like to have some control
But this is a fight I’m loosing
Of my body and my soul
Sue is very patient
He doesn’t take offense
He simply stares at me
Waiting
He know everything
He knows he’ll eventually claim me
I’m overwhelmed
It’s four against one
I am too weak to fight them
So I stay where I am
I watch for one to make a move
But everything is still
They are waiting on my first move
Either to take hands with Misery’s gang
Or accept Sue’s offer
My two friends
Now making me choose
How can I pick between them?
I can’t choose one or the other
Not without hurting feelings
I want to run away with Sue
He’s inviting me into his house
But Misery doesn’t play fair
He adds more faces to the gang
I can now see my real friend
Her face pale in horror
She’s beckoning me to come to her
She’s begging me to look at her
I can’t look her in the eye
It’s shameful
She’s never approved of Sue
She’s always hated Misery’s friends
I wish I could explain
But there’s no words that could justify
I see my little sister
Is this what I want to teach her?
Is this the gang I want her introduced to?
Do I really want to leave her?
I can see my mother now
She’s been my protector since I was born
Should I really be considering wasting all her efforts?
After all she’s done for me?
Just run away?
I was never one to run from problems
Not until now
Without hope or faith
How can I single-handedly get away from my old friends?
Sometimes you just have to let go
But every step I take they follow
They will never go away
My thoughts betray me
Pushing me closer to the edge
It wants the pain to stop
It’s willing to do anything for it
It’s desperate
But I can’t give in
I look to my oldest sister
I can see my nephew
They need me here
They need me to be strong
Living is Misery
Death is sweet
I’m on the boarder of both
My head spins
So many thoughts
So much grief
So much apathy
Do I really care?
My thoughts race
They show me all my options
They show me both sides
Four sets of eyes still on me
I have to make a choice
I shrink a size under their stares
I’m vulnerable
I feel naked in public
All my flaws
All my imperfections
It’s out
I can look no one in the eyes
I wallow in my own shame
I weep in Depression’s arms
It’s not my time to go
I know what I should do
I inhale deeply
I turn my back on Sue
He’ll have to wait
Today he will not exist
But he makes his presence known
He slips in the back of my mind
Then makes himself a permeate home
He invites Misery’s gang into his home
They leave no room for others
I watch Happiness go by
Joy taunts me with her ruthless attitude
She bounces around me
Reminding me what I’m longing
I wish my gang would find another carrier
A happy gang, like I see on others
Sue again is offering me his kingdom
I ignore all his calls
He gets more persistent
He explains my life from freedom
Why should I refuse?
Living is H3ll
Death is sweet
But I choose not to go
More ugly red lines
My body takes the beating
I am my own worst enemy
I can’t accept myself
Depression sings a song in my head
It’s supposed to be soothing
But all I feel is numb
I’ve been stripped of all emotions
There’s nothing left to give
My shell crackles and pops
Soon I’ll be unable to stand
Soon my empty core will crack up
And the pieces will get scattered
Maybe then I’d listen to Sue
He will help pick up to pieces
Only to gain my trust
But I know his motives
I know I should be scared of him
But it’s become a habit
I rely too much on this gang
It’s now all I know
But still I wonder
What does true happiness look like?
What is mercy?
I’m not supposed to feel like this forever, am I?
I’m looking for relief
I want a miracle pill
One that clears away the influences
I’d like to make my own choices
What’s wrong will independence?
I am strong
Stronger than I think
But my expectations are far too high
I can meet none of them
Frustration enters the picture
Depression by his side
That’s it, I just can’t take it
There has to be another way
Life should be this miserable
What can I do to fix it?
I’m way over my head
I’m drowning
I want my life back
I need my life back
I’m too young to be Sue’s princess
Sue, you’ll have to wait
Depression, you’re dismissed
Frustration be darned
I have no room for misery
I want a refill of the brand names now
No funky cheap kind
They only seem to make you sick
I need a better soul
I need to keep moving
That’s the only way
As lovely as Sue’s words can me
I need him to stay quiet
This is my life
I will take control
The problems end here
I hold a place for Sue in the back of my mind
I lock him up and throw away the key
He needs to know his bounties
Starting today
Nothing will hold me back
I am powerful
I know what I want
I can fight Misery’s gang
I can defeat Sue

[MultipleMinds]

Hello, Hello

Hello
Hello
Your telephone is ringing
Hello
Hello
Come on, pick up
Hello
Hello
Your telephone is ringing
But no one’s there to greet you
Hello
Hello
Is anyone there?
Hello
Hello
Your telephone is ringing
Why won’t you pick up?
You say you want help
And so we agreed
Now don’t back out
Because it’s not a breeze
Who told you such a lie anyway?
Hello
Hello
This is sub-conscious speaking
Why won’t you pick up?
There’s ear buds in your ears
Feeding you such lies
Don’t second guess
This is your mess
Now it’s time to fix it
Hello
Hello
Your telephone is ringing
But I guess you want a voice mail
Hello
Hello
It’s still ringing
Waiting patiently for you to come
Your instinct is to run
Hide far away
You can’t take this
At least not this way
You’d rather speak to no one
Than to admit your pain
You go out irrationally
You’ve no idea who to blame
Hello
Hello
We’re still here
You can’t avoid the truth
We will follow you everywhere
The phone will always ring
Eventually you’ll answer
But you may not like what we have to say
Hello
Hello
Your telephone is ringing
But you’re scared to pick it up
You rather live your life a lie
But sooner or later you’re going to slip
You’ll still deny yourself
But this is who you are
Hello
Hello
Your telephone is still ringing
But now you’ve run away
We know you’re scared
We understand
But everyone must face their demons
The more you run
The louder it gets
Hello
Hello
Are you deaf?
Hello
Hello
Pick up the phone

[MultipleMinds]

Oppressed

Isn’t it funny how newscasters greet with “good morning”
And then proceed to tell you why it’s not a good morning?
Isn’t funny how pizza tends to get to our house
Faster than police do?
Isn’t funny how common sense
Isn’t so common anymore?
Society seems to be going down hill
People are tearing people down
In a mad scramble to see the sun
They’re killing
They’re hurting
They’re unstable
People would rather be selfish
Than to reach out to another
We all live in a dark hole
There’s no escape
People push and shove
Forcing others to bow before them
It’s power that drive us mad
Too much
Too little
There’s never an easy balance
Crash of a whip to those below
Bringing the oppressed deeper
They wish to cast you in a grave
Fearful, the oppressed allows it
They know better than to look up
Kick ‘e while they’re down
Then point out the coffins
Watch as many step that way
Watch them squirm, cry
And wallow in self pity
We let the dark consume us
We hide behind our graves
Just one foot in and they’ll snag you
Like a fish
They push you until you give
You’ll crawl bleeding to your coffin
Now everyone’s laughing
You shut your door
Never to see again
Never to hurt again
What a shame
You had so much to learn
So much to do
But words have been too much
Words can cut deeper than a sword
Words will stab you
Straight through the heart
Mercy abandons you
And Hope disappears
You’re brought to your knees
Tears must be shed
Don’t hold it all inside
Someone please take your hand
Maybe we’ll get through this
Pride slaps the hand away
Empathy be darned
You want to hold your own
So you force those around you
To watch you hurt and suffer
But no, they won’t take that
They stand in front of you
They take your beatings
You’re grateful
Pride be darned
You got help
The coffin is so far away now
You’ve got a light in the darkness
It’s going to be okay

[MultipleMinds]

What is it you want?

What is it you truly want?
I give you honesty and you refuse to accept
You think so lowly of me
But I know what you’d like to hear
I know everything that I could say to have me lifted
To the highest storage of your mind
Yet, I refuse to tell you these things
They’re all lies
But you don’t want to hear that, now do you?
Huh, look at this
You’d prefer an illusion and sugar-coated words to reality
Your reality’s never changed, though
You should’ve seen this all coming
Yet you watch me with such fearful eyes
Expecting me to tell you it’s going to be okay
“It’s going to be okay”
Do you feel better now?
Yeah, I didn’t think so
Stop looking at me like that
No tears, Don’t cry
Why must you make everything so difficult?
Nothing can ever be simple, can it?
There’s never been a straight path, in any sense
Yet perhaps the harsh turns have been too much for you
You’ve lost it
You’ve lost all control and now you can’t remember
Well, that’s just great
What do you want me to do about it?
I can’t fix you
Not as if you’d let me try anyway
My views have always been tainted, poison to your mind
Though you learned to accept it
This new reminder seems to hit you a bit too hard
Now what can I do?
The help I can provide is not one you’d like to receive
You can’t expect me to have all the answers
You can’t expect me to stand back and watch you fall
But to catch you is for you to trust me
Why is there no trust?
Why can’t you view me from the eyes you had a few days ago?
Why the sudden change?
I hate change
Can’t everything stay the same?
Oh, now I’m complaining
Did you expect any different?
You don’t know me!
How do you expect me to act?
Like you?
Do you ever know who you are?
Of course, of course
I forgot. You’re always right, aren’t you?
Your word are allow to cut right through me
But a paper cut to you is abuse
This doesn’t make any sense
Wait, let’s start over
Never mind, I’ll lie
I’ll tell you what you want to hear
Let me pretend
I know you’ve always loved games
Come, we can be children again
I’ll with hold the truth from you
And we can run away with this lie
You’d like that, wouldn’t you?
But I’m sorry, wasn’t it you claimed to be a saint?
A saint can’t end up with a devil
Hmm, I guess I deserved that
I’ve only been tell you for years this wouldn’t work
Yet you drew me closer
You got me addicted so I’d let my guard down
Whoops! You accidently stabbed me
I’m dying now
Do you even care?
I guess not
Maybe I deserved that too
I’ve taken so many lies that this is only fair
In that case, can you finish this?
Stop watching me bleed out and just end this
No, never mind, maybe I deserve to suffer too
This is all a joke to you
You’re laughing, aren’t you?
Ha, ha, I’ll admit you had me good
Sucks you can’t remember the times you actually wanted me
This is awesome
No really, I mean it
Who doesn’t want peace?
You’d have to be insane to want to live in chaos
But wasn’t that better?
We used to be the definition of insane
You didn’t mind it so much then
It’s these new pair of eyes
Take them off
I swear I can make everything make sense
Take my hand
Please!
Let’s not leave this way
It’s so unsettling
It’s so nerve wreaking
How do you handle it?
Maybe I’m not as strong as I used to be
I’m falling apart but you seem to be whole again
Have I really been restraining you that much?
Stop it!
At least look at me!
Why am I so evil?
Can you answer me that?
I’m trying, don’t you see?
Please look at me
Can’t we talk?
What is it you truly want?
I give you honesty, yet you still deny me

[MultipleMinds]

Silence

Silence….
No movement
No sound
A smell of wet paint invading the air
Red
A torn curtain drapes over just one of the three
Swirls of red decorates the home
Broken glass lays in clusters
Open
Everything is open
Broken windows and swinging door
Inviting the cool air of the night unstirred
Sleeping
Awaken in sudden fright
Confusion rise to panic
Then peace once more
Prey
To the intruders of the night
Movements swift
No time wasted
Quickly
Hours before moved in a blur
Someone’s there
Now gone from sight
Empty
No life
Personal belongs run scarce
Only a painted symbol drying shows any activity
Grief
Photos of the family soaked in red
Everything is lost to the intruders of the night
But the neighbor hood sleeps unaware
Silence….

[MultipleMinds]

Why weren’t they saved?

Hello
Good morning
I said “Good morning”
You said nothing
Nothing at all?
Nothing
Nothing
None
Zero
Zilch
Nothing
A state of non-being
A state of non-existence
A state of lost
Lost
Lost in my mind
Lost in time
Lost of a life
A life held down by prejudice
People are the cause of the words
Words that cut too deep
Making other lose-
Minds make thought
Make actions
Make living a H3ll
Chained down by ignorance
There’s only one escape
There’s only one shot
That escapes the gun
Entering the child’s brain
Ending of another life
A life that could’ve been saved
Why wasn’t it saved?
Everyone’s pointing blame
Blame it on the parent who were too hard on him
Blame on the store who sold him the weapon
Blame it on the child for not taking life
Seriously can’t you understand?
The hurt he was in
The pain that drove him to the edge
Edge of a bridge
A young girl stands
Looking down
Looked down on for holding another girl’s
Heart, two hearts be fast
As the two girls take hands
And release the railing
Ending of another two lives
Two lives that could’ve been saved
Why weren’t they saved?
Of the ignorance and the bullying
The sneers and the words
Words smash hurter than stick and stones
Are you getting the picture?
A picture is held in trembling hands
Then casted to the grave
Of a 17 year of boy
Who’s gone before his time
Because of the violence
Violence inflicted by the riot
Riot of people who couldn’t remain quiet
As the two boys held hands
As the two boys kissed
Kissed one last time
As the crowd did more than shout
They ended the 17 year old’s life
A life that could’ve been saved
Why wasn’t it saved?
Who would’ve put the crowd to
Silence is the only thing heard
In the woods at noon
As the girl scribbles in her spiral notebook
Her last good byes
Tears fall from her eyes
Rolling down her face
Splashing to the page
That says “I’m sorry” a million times
But the words had been too much
The teases and the jeers
A girl can only take so much
So she takes the knife
That she’s already done so much damage to her arms
With a shaky hand
It’s brought forward
Drops of red littering the page now
Ending of another life
A life that could’ve been saved
Why wasn’t it saved?
Because of the words
Because of the stupidity of people
Who can’t seem to grasp
Words hurt
Words are powerful
Powerful enough to drive
Drive off a cliff
Another life taken
Taken to the hospital
A girl screams and then flat lines
Too many pills
Are taken by the parents to cope
Alcohol becomes frequent
As does the bruises of the second child
Standing too close
Close to the edge
Of a building window
Staring at the cops below
“Don’t jump”
But it’s too late
Ending of another life
A life that could’ve been saved
Had the words been in place
Had a hand been offered
Offered to the girl crying in the stalls
How many lives must we torment
Before we realize the words
Speak louder than actions for some
Some looking down from Heaven now
A friend kneels at a grave
Hello
Good morning
Hello?
The friend cries setting down the rose
I said good morning
“You said nothing”
Nothing at all?
“Nothing
I wish you would’ve told me
I wish I could’ve saved you
Why weren’t you saved?”

[MultipleMinds]

Keep Smiling

Why are you treating me like a child?
Can’t you see my pain?
And all these tears I’m crying
Does it look like it’s a game?
Why won’t you listen to what I saying?
Don’t you tell me how to feel
And all these things around me
Is any of it real?
Can’t you tell I’m trying?
I’d rather not be the victim
But again I am failing
So again they’re dumb
Can anyone help me?
Or am I all alone?
These sleepless nights I’m facing
I’m hurting to the bone
Does anyone understand me?
I’m swear I’m not that lost
But I guess that’s not the question
You’re still looking at the cost
It’s always to you convince
You rather not face the fact
You’re telling me just drop it
But I swear it’s not an act
But I am brilliant at masquerades
I’ll never tell you what I’m thinking
Perhaps if I just took my life
It’d be less painful than sinking
I see you crying from my words
I’m sorry, I’ll keep going
But each day’s a little harder
The pain is always growing
There’s too much pain inside of me
I’ve tried hiding it for years
I never wanted you to know the truth
I rather have spared you all the tears
So my body builds a defense
And so I become numb
But my reality is still slipping
Is now really a time to play dumb?
I’m sorry, forgive me
I know you’re not to blame
But I’m nothing but a weakness
I’m buried in my shame
I haven’t a place to turn
No one seems to know what’s wrong
So I’m sent too many hospitals
Never for very long
The stays do not help
I’m still trapped within my mind
I have another side that takes me
Unfortunately, she’s not as kind
There is a little girl
Upt! Never mind
Another mark to the chart
My mind’s still in decline
I’m so upset, will this be fixed?
Chances to me look grime
Will this medicine work?
Success is rather slim
I know you’re waiting for a happy ending
Unfortunately this is reality
Where nothing ever does get better
Where joy’s a technicality
I’ve known for years what I must do
It’s the only think I know
Suck it up and learn to deal
Place a smile and go.

[MultipleMinds]

Gone

Red drops hit the water
Watch them expand
In perfect little twirls
Drip
Drip
The water’s turning red
Who knew such a simple word
Could cause this perfect blend
Drip
Drip
It’s a thick dye
It rolls off a smooth white surface
Gathering at the edge
Drip
Drip
She became too close to Sue
Sue had taking her far away
They will live forever now
Drip
Drip
Gone

[MultipleMinds]

Day Dream

I know a lot of things
Probably a lot more than most people
They say I’m average
But that’s nowhere close on how to explain me
I’m far from average
Some say I belong in a hospital for good
They don’t trust me to be in society
Which is fine
I know I don’t belong to this Earth anyway
I’m a bit too caught up
Thoughts of a life elsewhere
Most people call that day dreaming
But it’s far from that
It’s my own home
My secure place
Somewhere where there is no wrong
There is no right
There’s only what you’ve done
And where you’ve been
This is a place without rules
People are much happier
Nothing to hold them back
Nothing to keep anyone from reaching their dreams
This place is not overcrowded
There’s not any idiots putting around
There’s no criminals
Only the intelligent ones can enter
There’s no messes
People have been known how to take care of themselves
And know where to stick their trash
The roads of this place contain no cars
Everywhere you’d want to go is in walking distance
The stores do not use money for trade
We do it like it should be
Trade food for clothes
Trade clothes for food
The basic needs are there
There’s a home with your name on it
Your neighbors are friendly
The pets can walk free
In this place
There is no stress
There is no worries
The air is clear of smoke and exhaust
The air’s fresh
There is no judgment in this place
People know how to act
Others who can’t see this place tell me
There’s never going to be a place like that
But this place is my reality
I don’t belong on Earth
I belong elsewhere
Society doesn’t accept my ways
This screwed up society is only in my dreams
I live where the willows grow
Where the wind shakes the trees in such a musical way
Where grass is green and the skies are blue
I live where time passes slowly
So you can savor every minute of it
I choose to live here because I can
Anyone who is brave enough to forget society
Moves in with me
I am a free citizen
No one can tell me I’m wrong
I live within my mind
No one can tell me I’m wrong

[MultipleMinds]

The Reaper

Tick tock
Your time has come
No use fighting
It’s already been done
The blacken hand of death
Reaches out to you
You’ll run
But there’s nothing you can do
To your knees
You will fall
You’ll scream
But no one can here your call
Tick tock
Your time has come
No use fighting
It’s already been done
Tears will fall
Heart slows a pace
You’re now hoping
You weren’t just another pretty face
You lay down
Everything is still
The dark reaper
Leans in for the kill
Lungs take one more breath
Heart comes to a stop
Tears are shead of those you’ve lost
As the dirt goes on top
Tick tock
Your time has come
No more fighting
It’s done